Lyme Free!!!!

OK....so I just want to say that I tested NEG for everything related to Lyme today...nosodes, laser, cat's claw, homeopathic, ect....

EVERYTHING was a NO!!!

Give God the glory!!!!!!

I will definitely retest weekly to be sure...but today is wonderful news!

Thank you all who read this blog...I hope that you are able to find healing for yourself through this terrible disease!

November 30, 2009

Well, I had planned to laser today, but was feeling sick last night (sinus drainage, sore throat, ect). I awoke at 5 am barely able to swallow my throat was so incredibly sore. I got up and gargled with salt water, made some peppermint tea. My joints and skin hurt, so I took temp, 101 F.

I somehow went back to bed and slept until 10:30 am...husband and kids were still asleep too! I think we all caught up on some badly needed rest!

We got the Christmas decorations up. I felt OK on Thanksgiving, not great and not horrible.

I plan to laser tomorrow...hopefully the 3 settings...for 15 mins this time.

Laser #15

Well, I did 12 mins of cold laser yesterday...4 mins each of Primary, Secondary and Tertiary. It hit me pretty hard today. Very tired, woke up early and could not sleep again (this may be caused by stress in my life right now though, I am not sure). Felt OK, a little anxious though. By 11:30 I was feeling kinda weird. I was getting my hair cut since it's been awhile and my son and I had to wait for an oil change anyhow.

I had to get my license renewed today and I felt so out of it. I kept asking the man which ones I was supposed to be reading on the eye test. Had to get my glasses that I never wear in order to read them. My eyes have gotten a lot worse in 6 months, I kept telling my husband that things have seemed so blurry lately.

I also had to decline the organ donation...I cried later. I remember being so excited about being about to do that in highschool...course this was all before Lyme.

Cried several times today, probably due to a herx, I don't know. Feeling a little depressed and I am so tired.

Have had some involuntary head movement today, moving side to side though, not bobbing up and down.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and my birthday...I hope tomorrow is a better day...had a low temp again today...day 17 in a row.

Wed, Nov 18, 2009

Wow, today is such a different day than yesterday! Last night around 6 pm, my legs started feeling very weak. Walking down the stairs scared me because it felt like my legs would give out.

Today my legs hurt so badly. My legs, feet, butt, and calves. The muscles are all so sore. I feel a little depressed. A few weeks ago, I was feeling so much better, and now I feel almost like I'm back to square one. My swallowing has been iffy as well.

I received an e-mail from Cedar Point, an amusement park in Sandusky, OH. They are having a full Triathalon and half Triathalon next Sept, 2010. I thought, 'wow, that would be fantastic!'..but I can't plan for anything with this stupid disease. Will I be better next year?? Worse?? Alive???

No idea! I had a few days in August of feeling 'normal' or as close to what I can remember as being normal and it was AMAZING!! Just amazing!! I smiled all day long, I'd forgotten what it felt like to have no anxiety, to have energy, to feel like you aren't dying, ect...

'Normal' people have no idea how lucky they are. If you are reading this and you are 'healthy', embrace it...please. You never know if you will be hit with a chronic illness someday and I am so thankful that my parents put me in gymnastics and I ran track and cross country when I was a kid/teen. I got to have that in my youth, even if I never run again, I know that I once did. Years ago.

I will be 31 years old soon. I want to be cured. I want to be well. I want to wake up and feel like I will have energy for the day and not to feel like something is killing my physical body. It's a horrible, horrible feeling.

I will be getting the Deseret Biological Homeopathics on Friday. I hope that I test well for them because I am ready to try it. I will rife this weekend. I will be getting lasered again tomorrow.

I will not rule out antibiotics. If we could afford IV antibiotics I would do that in a heartbeat!

It's crazy that our insurance didn't bat an eye when the doc requested an ECHO ($1200!) or holter monitor ($400). These are only diagnostic tools...but IV antibiotics can be used to get someone well!!! Of course, insurances rely on the IDSA's guidelines stating that Lyme disease is cured in 2-4 weeks, regardless of the fact that other spirochetal diseases can take many months/years to kill!!! It's just insane!

Laser #14

Well, I realize that I didn't write after my laser last Thursday...whoops! I did 15 mins of the Tertiary freequencies...yikes! 15 mins later driving home, my anxiety kicked in to HIGH gear, I felt terrible! The next day was miserable. The anxiety I had just a little in the morning, but I felt so foggy and 'slow'. I was literally dragging my body around by Friday evening and slurring my words, having trouble remembering things.

James' boss called and I saw the area code (408 in the bay area) and I saw it on our home phone and said, "Oh, that's Columbus (Ohio) area code. I picked it up and was confused when he said his name and asked if it was Rachel. I was trying to think of who I knew in Columbus with that name...to boot, I couldn't even remember that his boss had that name. It was terrible. I lit a candle and then apparently put the lid back on it after lighting it.

I had many strange things I did. The next day, James and I went shopping, thank goodness my parents had our kids! I haven't had this happen in awhile, but my neuro system was overloaded in the store. The lights were too bright, I felt confused because there was too much to look at, ect. Ugh....

Oh, have maintained the low grade temp since last Monday after rifing on Sunday.

I lasered yesterday for 10 mins, on the tertiary. So far so good, joints are a little sore today, but not too bad, brain fog just slight.

Weird thing is, before lasering I tested very strong for Lyme and after I tested very strong for lyme. Tested neg for the Doxy, and the colloidal silver, never tested neg for Doxy before, ever!

What is up with that??? The Deseret Biologicals will be here this Fri, I'm excited to see how I test for them! Ordered the Bart and Bb.

James and I went to the Vitamin Shoppe and tested one another for about an hour for various things. I tested very very strong for Sarsaparilla. I bought some and had the practitioner test it last night...very strong! I will start incorporating it in the next week...I get lasered again in 2 days and will go down to just one laser treatment per week after this week.

Anyhow...I think that's all I can think of for now!

11/10/09

Well, I went to the dentist today, low anxiety which was nice. Felt a little anxious, but it passed and NOTHING like it would have been months ago!

I forgot to mention that I had a low grad temp yesterday, checked today again 99.5. So I am thinking maybe it's the rife, I don't know. I will be rifing again this Saturday, possibly rifing tomorrow for detox setting/pancreatic flukes which showed up with electrodermal testing.

Legs are sore again today...ugh...I've had enough of that in the last week, they've gotten worse as the day went on, I just hope it's a 'good response'.

Laser #12

Well, I did 10 minutes today. Felt slight headache/head pressure right afterward. Apparently, this is the 5 laser I've done for the lyme cysts...going for the eggs next!

Don't have much to report, need to go make supper, I'm tired today, but Sat night I didn't sleep much, so that's probably why!

First Rife session!

So I rifed last night for the first time. I was nervous, but I was OK. Did 2 min 15 seconds, 30 sec each frequency. 3 of the frequencies were for rife, one was for detox.

I got a couple of heart palps after, not bad at all. The biggest thing was deep bone pain in my left hip, I've never had it there before. It was pretty painful. I am extremely emotional today, cried for several hours this morning. Last Fri I was emotional too. Not depressed though which is good.

Last Thursday and Fri, my legs hurt so so bad. They still hurt pretty bad on Saturday and yesterday it was down to just calf pain. That's the longest they have ever hurt.

Temp was 99.0 today. I am leaving for laser treatment in ten mins, will report later!

Laser #11

I went up to 7 minutes yesterday, and plan to do up to 10 next week. I may start rifing one day per week and lasering the other day, and see what happens. I was testing much weaker to the nosodes which was EXCITING!

I woke up yesterday morning around 4:30 am feeling kind of anxious/fearful. I just laid in bed, but it took me a good 2 hours to fall asleep again. The night before (Wed) I was having difficulty with my throat feeling very tight which made it hard to fall asleep. Thursday morning when I finally got up at 9 am, my legs and feet and butt were so so sore!! It felt like someone had beat me. It was supposed to happen last Friday, but for whatever reason, was 6 days later this time, though I know in Oct, I did get the soreness a few weeks in a row.

It was so bad, I had to hold onto railings to walk downstairs. It was pretty bad. I took an epsom salt bath when I got home from the treatment, but it hurt to lay in the tub, even in water up to my waist!

Today it is getting better, still sore, but I can walk up the stairs with less pain today.

11/04/09

Well, I did laser #10 on Monday, 5.5 mins. I didn't feel anything after this one like last week. Didn't really notice any herx symptoms either. I've been having air hunger/throat tightness since last Fri or Sat. I did not end up getting my 28 day cyclic sore legs and feet last Fri. am not quite sure what to make of it!

I will be doing the laser again tomorrow- hopefully 7 mins.

I also tested MUCH less positive to the Lyme nosodes which was wonderful!

I will write more after my next appointment!

Laser #9

Well, I upped to 4.5 mins yesterday. Felt 'weird' afterward, almost anxious, but HR was normal. It was very weird. Had a fever later in the day.

Today, am a little spacy and tired, but otherwise..feeling GOOD! No temp today!!!

Also, did the whole body chin to toe on front side. I need to get up to 15-20 mins.

Laser # 8????

Well, I did 3.5 mins yesterday evening. At first it felt 'icky' like my body didn't like it, but as it kept going, I felt like I was melting. I didn't want to get up and wanted it to go on. I woke up feeling MUCH better today, highest temp was 99.0 today, lowest in 13 days!

Actually this is laser #10, but I dropped them last week to 30 seconds and 100 seconds because of the stress and my temp was still over 100, so I'm going to say it's #8.

My wisdom tooth still hurts, but that's OK, feels a little better than the last couple of days I'd say.

I'm looking to go up to 4.5 or 5 mins this Thursday.

I don't remember if I've commented on my labs here...but...all were within normal limits, some on low normal side (I should have gotten an e-lytes done, oh well, maybe next time), except my folate level is HIGH.

I know of another woman with suspected Lyme who has high folate and did some digging online and found a person with MS, one with Lyme, one with CFS, and one with Alzheimers who all have high folate...hmmmm....very interesting, eh?

I've been having night sweats as well, had them I think it was Sat and Sun night, I know it was back to back though....had them a week ago too.

My neck is getting stiffer as the day goes on, very hard to look down...this has happened before the day after getting lasered.

Anyhow....trying to forget the emotional mess that hubby's mother produced and move on with my live and the lives of my kids and husband...feels like evil is trying to prevent me from getting well since this treatment is finally working...evil ain't gonna win.

Monday, Oct 26, 2009

Still have a temp...day 11. It's so annoying. It's lower..99.3, so not bad, but I just want it to go away before the next treatment so I can feel like my body 'got rid of' the dead spirochetes and is ready for the next treatment.

Unfortunately I took it easy last week due to stress and the temp, so this evening I'm going back full force...either 3 or 4 mins. I just feel very foggy today. Dizzy, tired, ect. At least I've been able to eat the past 3 days. My weight dropped again, so now I have to work on bringing it back up again...

I'm not going to worry though...Jesus loves me and He is here to comfort me and to hold me. What do I really have to fear?

Fever Continues...

Still have a fever...

Drama, drama, drama!

Ugh...goodness...what is wrong with some people?? Yeah....it's been one of THOSE days...actually last several. My MIL apparently is an MD...had NO clue!!! Yes, I do not have Lyme...my husband said that she said on the phone that I am 'pretending to be sick' to get out of going to their house.

Seriously?? Like...seriously??? We took lab results to her, she said the positive result would not change her mind. WHAT???

So again..what is wrong with some people??

You can only hope they get a taste of their own medicine some day, right??

Right.

What comes around goes around...so....hopefully she is prepared!

On another note....temp today AGAIN....4 days in a row now. I only got an adjustment and a 30 second laser treatment today...didn't want to add to the herx...still testing very strong for Lyme nosode...just hoping the laser works...or I may have to try abx (assuming rife doesn't work either).

Anyhow...I will probably delete this post sometime because I don't like having negativity out there, so....

Herx

I felt pretty good today, legs were a little weak feeling...I have a temp...100.2...that's great, higher than normal...hope my body is kicking some butt!!

Today was a pretty decent day other than fever, very stiff sore neck and headache...will probably be gone by tomorrow.

MIL told my husband today that I don't have Lyme, that I just 'choose' to be sick when we have to go to their house.

Ignorance is bliss I suppose...you don't get Lyme until you GET it!

7th Laser Treatment

Well, I drove by myself today, about 30 miles round trip. I could not have done that 4 months ago. Sure I was nervous, but no heart palps, no feelings of terror...it was awesome!

I did 200 seconds total, on my legs and feet this time. I'm feeling good now, as usual. I still tested strong for the Lyme, and weak after the laser...the practitioner said the Lyme is trying to hold on. So I'll see how I feel tomorrow. I've continued taking the CS 2 Tablespoons per day now as well.

Laser Treatment #6

Well, I did the laser yesterday for 3 mins, so increased by a minute! I feel terrible right now. Woke up at 6 am because I had to go potty, my legs felt heavy/tired, then I laid down and felt kind of anxious/heart a little faster.

I just laid there, waiting for it to go away. Then my torso (mostly back area which I was not laying on) got really hot/prickly feeling. One of my hands got very sweaty. I wasn't sure if my heart rate was really that high or not, so I checked it and it was probably high 80's (mine is normally 50's).

I couldn't sleep, so I decided to get up and get a drink. My teeth were chattering/body shaking, and I just let my body do what it needed. I got the laptop from the basement and brought it into the great room. I sat on the couch and was immediately greeted with PVC's. Coughing didn't make it go away so I got back up and walked around, then sat down and they didn't start again.

Now in addition to lasering, I took 2 Tablespoons of Utopia Colloidal Silver and 3 large garlic cloves and drank 1/2 bag of freshly juiced cranberries in my Champion juicer (all spread out throughout the day). So I guess it shouldn't surprise me if the herx is worse. I just haven't had this reaction from the laser since I did it in early August. I don't like it.

Anyhow, I think I'm going to attempt to sleep again because I am still very tired, and my daughter will have to get up for school in less than an hour.

Update later in the evening. I felt better later on in the day, I was able to sleep a couple more hours as my husband got up with our daughter. I feel irritable this evening, my head is hurting some and body temp 99.5

Update on herx from fifth treatment

Well, Saturday was better, not 100%, but better. We visited my sister/brother in law and their baby. My sister took my girls and I out to eat at a wonderful tea room in Medina, OH for our birthday's. Then my husband, kids and I went to this Log Cabin Shoppe for their 'pioneer days' demonstrations. I started feeling very tired while we were there. I managed to clean up the house/do dishes when we got home though.

Yesterday was pretty good. I was nervous about going to church because the last time I was there, I was having anxiety/racing thoughts. But I was fine. When we pulled up (we were kinda late), there was an Ambulance and someone was getting wheeled in on a guerny, even that didn't made me anxious as I feared. I didn't feel perfect yesterday, but nothing like Friday.

Today, so far, so good. I feel very calm and relaxed. I plan to get 'zapped' again later today, so we'll see.

Laser Treatment #5- 10/09/09

Well, I did the laser for 2 full minutes yesterday, hitting my legs the whole time.

I felt so happy afterward, felt really good.

I think a truck ran over me last night while I slept.

My neck hurts.

My feet/legs hurt.

I'm getting small arm and finger jerks.

Cognitive dysfunction.

Fatigue.

Feeling of being drugged.

Legs are heavy.

Some anxiety earlier today.

Now I did have sore legs and feet yesterday which was strange because it just happened the week before and it's usually every 28 days.

All I can say is what doesn't kill you heals you (I hope!). I feel so sick today. I pray that in future months when I re-read this blog that I smile in rememberence of these times because I will be healthy then.

This really really sucks. My head kept feeling like it was moving, so I asked my husband to check and sure enough, it's slightly moving side to side (it used to be up and down).

I really really want to sleep, but my husband is working and my kids aren't ready to sleep (it's only 3:50 pm).

I am going to talk with my neighbor and see if she would maybe watch the kids if I get a hard herx like this again...she's very sweet and has helped me in the past.

That's all for now...blah...

Twitching Continues....

Well, I am planning to do another laser treatment tomorrow...hopefully for 2 mins this time on whatever frequencies the practitioner decides. I am having increased muscle twitching today, it's still not as bad as last fall, but it's pretty noticeable.

I've continued to take an Epsom Salt bath every evening with pretty hot water (my husband claims that I must have no feeling in my skin to be able to tolerate it...lol). I did notice that my urine was darker today and I'm wondering right now (duh) if I haven't gotten enough water in. Had some smaller adrenaline rushes today, nothing major, but noticed it.

That's all for now.

Tuesday, Oct 6, 2009

Well, I must have sweated again last night as I woke up shirtless this morning! I made sure to dress lightly, tank top and thin pj pants, so I could not have been too hot and sweated.

I slept until almost 10 this morning.

I felt kind of anxious when I woke up, but after drinking/walking around for a little while, I started feeling better. I felt a lot better later on which was a pleasant surprise!

I hope I feel this way Wed and Thurs, as long as I don't feel really bad, I will still do my laser treatment on Thursday.

I have noticed some isolated muscle twitching today, my right leg and then last Sat I had some muscle twitching too. Nothing compared to last fall though by any means!

Well, just wanted to update!

October 5, 2009-4th weekly laser treatment

So I did another 90 seconds of the laser. I wanted to bump up the time, but the practitioner had new frequencies to use, so he thought it best to stay at the current time and I agree.

I'm not sure what frequencies were used, I think the same old ones plus some new ones. So far I'm feeling pretty good.

Last night I sweated through my clothes. Sweat was literally rolling down my arms when I sat up in bed, my neck was soaked/clothes, ect. It was 2 am and I got up and into the shower. I was so tired I thought I was going to fall over, I just wanted to sleep!

I was tired today, but I didn't sleep a lot last night and then waking up and showering, I think it just wiped me out because it was hard to sleep again.

It's OK though, nothing compared to my CFS dx days when I had to sleep more than 12 hours every single day. I slept 16 hours straight once, didn't even wake up to pee!

I'm going to try to get lasered again this Thursday. I want to try twice per week and see. Oh...I tested less positive BEFORE getting lasered...GOOD sign!

Weekly Laser Treatment #3

Well, I did 90 seconds with the laser today. T1, T2 area, knees and bladder. I could feel something warm or tingly like in the bladder area. I will be THRILLED beyond belief if this helps the bladder issues!

I did feel a little shaky or something a little while after today. I'm getting a lot of muscle twitches now...my temp today was finally down to 98.1, had low grade temps most of the week.

So since I had a good day today, I guess tomorrow I'll be back into herx mode...Oh well, it will be worth it!

Monday, Sept 28, 2009

Well, I had a busy weekend. We were gone much of it. Had fun, but man am I wiped out today. Plus we had a wicked thunder/lightning storm in the middle of the night. I brought the kids down into the basement at 3 am. It was hard to sleep after that.

I was depressed for awhile yesterday. Not sure what that was all about. I haven't had any sugar in 24 hours...my head hurts. Ah...sugar withdrawl...

I will be doing my 3rd laser treatment this Thursday because I am seeing a biological dentist on Wednesday and it's 90 mins away. I'm already very nervous and I do not want to risk feeling terrible from the laser and then going to the appointment and being a wreck!

At least I will find out what needs to be done with the failed root canal. I really don't want to know...but I need to find out. I may have to wait until January anyhow depending on the cost. This inital visit is $340!!! But he's good from what I've read and they do a lot of tests/x-rays and impressions at the first visit.

That's all for now!

Oh...had a low temp today...99.0, no biggie.

9-25-2009

Well,

I am not feeling so hot today. My head hurts, my fever is gone, I'm tired, ect. I haven't slept 8 hours though in a few nights, maybe that's it. Our oldest daughter had a fever last night (102.8), so I did get up and check on her/make her drink water, ect. She still had a temp this morning and she was really bummed about missing school, but she's doing better this evening.

Otherwise..I'm just glad it's the weekend!

Weekly Laser Treatment #2

Well, I got lasered again with the Erchonia on Tuesday at 6 pm for one full minute on the Lyme settings and with the immune booster.

Had a series of heart palps last night. Awoke this morning feeling anxious, but remained pretty calm, figured it was toxins trying to get out. My legs feel 'heavy' today, having some brain fog issues and I am tired (back of my neck is somewhat sore too). My temp this afternoon was 99.3.

Appears I'm not escaping this herx...ah well...you can't beat them all! I'm trying to get the house clean, doing it in steps because I'm so tired. That way if I feel worse tomorrow which I've done before with the laser...feeling worse as the days go on...then I can try to just rest after my son and I finish his homeschooling.

Just wanted to update!

Monday, Sept 21, 2009

Well, so far I haven't reacted as badly to the cold laser herx wise as the other 2 times even though I did it for 45 seconds.

I did eat a bunch of apples, for the pectin, hoping it would absorb some of the toxins. I drank tons of water (just plain ole reverse osmosis water) and did epsom salt baths daily. I even babysat my new neice overnight last Fri (she was born in June and she's sooooo cute!) and I had my 3 kids too to care for. I didn't sleep much that night, not because the baby was awake, she only woke up twice and fell asleep very quickly, was thinking about someone I met who may have Lyme who is very sick...plus my kids would not sleep in the other room, so we were all crammed into a full sized bed!

Sunday I did have anxiety quite a bit, some air hunger and also today. It's not real bad, but noticeable.

I did have some bone pain last week in my left hand, but it was only for 10 mins and only one day then it just went away. I have not checked my temp each day, either Sat night or Sunday, my husband thought I felt a little warm, so I may have had one, but not too bad because I wasn't really that dizzy.

I'm still planning to do the laser tomorrow...one minute. I'm nervous and excited. I keep thinking if I keep doing this, I could be 90% in a few months...I'm already better than I was this spring, so I know getting better is possible.

I will try to remember to write tomorrow as well!

Sept 17, 2009

So far herx wise it's been mild. Just hoping I don't wake up to a whammy tomorrow! I am completely and utterly exhausted right now though. I did a lot of cleaning today. Woke up coughing hard twice last night. I did that a lot last fall too.

Woke up at one point because I had sweated through the sheets, but more my lower half, usually it's the upper.

That's about all for now!

Cold Laser Weekly treatment #1

OK, so I've had 2 Erchonia Cold Laser treatments, but they were 8 weeks apart...so I'm going to do them weekly until I am feeling good.

I had 20 seconds on the front of my body and 25 on the back. It was set to 4 Lyme settings and one immune booster setting.

I ate an apple before going and then after...trying to see if the pectin will help absorb toxins. I ate lots of fiber for supper and drank lots of water. I also took a hot epsom salt bath this evening.

Friday, Sept 4, 2009

Well I restarted the Colloidal Silver on Wed (2 days ago). I quit last week as James asked me too because we needed to get some stuff done with the house asap and I couldn't be extra sick.

Woke up feeling anxious this morning. I'm tired today and have the sore feet/legs. I sweated through my clothes last night, so much that I had to take them off and the bed was wet.

I hope it's a good sign.

I took 3 Tablespoons of Utopia Silver yesterday (2 the day before) and will take 3 again today. We are supposed to go to the zoo tomorrow, we'll see!

I just want to be done with this thing that has ruined my life. It's so tiring getting the symptoms waxing and waning over and over and over. I have no idea if the silver is hitting the Lyme or possibly a co-infection. I do think it's doing something!

I continue to oil pull, lately with coconut oil. I've been taking the coconut oil internally too, makes me feel nauseous, but it's bearable I suppose.

Colloidal Silver

OK, so I think this is going to kick my butt! Started with one Tablespoon yesterday evening. I did have some air hunger last night, but felt OK otherwise. Took dose #2 this morning after oil pulling. Then I took our daughter to school for a one on one screening thing with the teacher that they are doing for Kindergarteners.

I started feeling weird, but I reasoned that I'd only eaten some raisens, and maybe that was why. Stopped at the store on the way home and was feeling very 'floaty'. I told my husband, "there is NO way I could be herxing already from 2 T of Colloidal Silver!"

My head feels achy, temp 99.1, feel cold, shaky, ect. You have got to be kidding me!!??

I'm either full of the spirochetes after 13 years or my immune system vamps up when it sees the DNA floating around.

This is really giving me hope though...I wonder how much I truely forget what 'normal' feels like.

I may be in for a wonderful surprise!!!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Well, I haven't done any treatment in almost 4 weeks. Well, I did start oil pulling, taking extra virgin coconut oil and barley grass powder (yuck!).

I've been OK. Not great, not horrible. Had a few pretty good days this month. I read The Shack last weekend, it was really really good.


Last week my right knee started bothering me. It's been off and on. It hurts to straighten it at all and bending it too fast hurts. It's the patella that is most affected. It did OK when we went to Cedar Point this past Sunday.

I had no heart palps at Cedar Point compared to last year...my heart was jumping all over and I remember that I just kept berating myself telling myself that it was just anxiety...all in my head.

How horrible that for YEARS I've been permitted to believe that this was all in my head. It amazes me that when someone has a panic attack, INSTANTLY they are labeled as 'a worrier' or just 'being anxious'.

I know other people who never had a panic attack in their LIFE until Lyme came and corrupted them. I know I never had. Life used to be fun and exciting....not when Lyme is in the picture.

Reading on Lyme.net last fall was absolutely amazing to me...people who had been through exactly what I had been through...who understood the horribleness of Lyme. It was nothing short of amazing.

I'm at a crossroads right now....I know that the cold laser helps, but 30 seconds knocks me flat for weeks...I am thinking of restarting the Doxy and slowly knocking it down and then doing the laser/rife to get rid of it as best I can.

I haven't met anyone who didn't use abx first...so I just don't know if it is the best way to go or not. At the same time, I don't want my liver to get shot either with long term abx therapy.

It looks like I'm just going to have to take a gamble.

Sigh....

Wednesday, Aug 12, 2009

Well, I haven't rifed yet. I'm so afraid it's going to mess with my heart. I will do it though. I got my house cleaned yesterday so I can be out of commission so to speak for the next several days.

I started oil pulling yesterday and took Barley grass powder. I oil pulled this morning, but haven't taken the barley grass yet...I hate it!

I took coconut oil last night...thought I was gonna throw up! I love coconut and like the oil, but for some reason, it was too much yesterday, not sure what is up with that.

Feeling some psych type stuff, like anxiety and just feeling weird. I also had weird dreams last night...dreamed my brother accidently killed someone...yuck! I hate waking up like that.

I am going to make a collage of why I need to get well...why the herxing is worth it. I was thinking yesterday that on Sept 12 is when I went to see Dr. Harris in CA last year. One whole YEAR of my life has GONE. Yes I have improved some...but not like I would have if I'd just done something...although I didn't find out it was Lyme until Oct when my tests came back positive.

Not sure if I'm going to try colloidal silver or rife today...we are going to a few stores later...so I can't do anything until after we get back as I'm not sure how I will feel.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Well, last Fri I felt pretty decent. A little tired, but better. Sat was OK, more tired, but I was able to pull some weeds outside. Yesterday we went up to Huron, Ohio (where we want to move next!) and waded in Lake Erie as it was in the 90's and HUMID! Got some sun and went to visit hubby's parents for several hours. Spent the night at my mom's (husband went home as he had to work today). Was very tired today. Very tired. Headache tonight. My body just feels spent. I slept almost 10 hours last night too.

I wanted to rife today but with how crappy I was feeling, I didn't know if my body could handle any more today.

Hoping tomorrow is kinder on my body...not sure if the heat did me in or what!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Well...I did feel a lot better today. The morning was a little rough, temp was 99 around 11 am and I didn't take it again later. Started feeling better around 4 or 5 pm though. My legs are just slightly sore today, I can walk upstairs without too much pain...yesterday I had to hold onto things to get up and down. James and I went to Kroger last night at 10:30 pm. He wanted kettle chips. We went in and started walking to one of the entrance doors.

James was like, "Oh wait that door might be closed now since it's past 10". I stopped and asked him to go look. It was about 15 feet away, but I literally did not want to waste any energy to walk the extra 30 feet. Walking straight legged helped with the pain. I was thinking that the people in the store probably thought I was drunk or on drugs or something, lol. I also had my pj's on. We were not in there very long, but I felt pretty crappy there.

Thank goodness I felt human somewhat today.

Muscle twitches were a lot better too. No headache today, hurray!!!!!

No bone pain or neck pain. Eye floaters haven't seemed too bothersome either.

I pray that I have turned the corner on this herx...I need to get myself to bed to sleep though, so my body can keep getting crud out and detoxifying.

Wed, August 5, 2009..This is a herx that never ends...

Yes it goes on and on my friend. One day I used the laser and not knowing how I'd feel, and now this herx keeps going on and on and on...

Ugh! I'm getting sick of this one day feeling pretty decent and the next terrible! Yesterday we went to visit my brother and later a friend. We brought the EMEM machine to my brother's for him to try. Although I went outside, I was just outside with just a glass door between the rife...and about 30 ft. I could hear it for about 30 seconds until I went further outside. So I have no idea if I got 'hit' with the rife or not.

I sweated through my clothes last night. Woke up with a horrible headache today and my legs are sore today. Thankfully my parents have the kids today so that I can just rest.

Herx City!

OK, today has been a very rough day. Last night around 2 am I woke up feeling icky...still had the headache/neckache, but I felt anxious and exhausted. I got up and drank a large glass of water and sat on the couch. Our kitty, Layla jumped up with me to keep me company which I was ever grateful for.

I tried to go back to sleep about 2 hours later, but kept getting a 'shot' of adrenaline every time I exhaled. I've never had that before, it was bizarre. Also, the anxiety I had last night was uncomfortable, but not 'please take me to the ER I'm gonna die' type. I somehow fell asleep again around 5 am and woke up around 8:30. I'm tired!

I still have that adrenaline thing going on too with the breathing, but not every time I breathe, but often enough to be annoying!

Feel kind of achy today, exhausted, neck/head ache, deep bone pain in my rt fingers earlier, temp 99.4


I believe I can evaluate that the cold laser DOES kill Lyme though!

I just want to be done with this yuckiness already.

Fortunately, my husband will be done working soon so I can get some help with the kids.

I've drank a TON of water today too, trying to flush out the toxins.

Also had lack of appetite today, had 3 apples with peanut butter and a little bit of Asian Coleslaw but that's it and I'm not real hungry. Fortunately the weight that I gained in June and July has stayed on me, so it's OK if I don't eat a lot if I don't feel like it today.

August 1, 2009 Herx and Tooth Issues

Ick ick ick!

Woke up this morning with fast heartbeat. Technically I don't think it was tachycardic, but in the high 80's or 90'sm my pulse is generally in the 50's.

I tried to ignore it, told myself this happened last time, ect. Tried to deep breathe, but my body was forced to compensate for the increased heart rate.

Drank a glass of water, laid back down, heart wouldn't knock it off, so I got up and sat on the couch until it resumed back to normal.

It was 6:30 am, so no one was up with me. I did not feel a sense of dread like a panic attack, I can tell the difference between. I believe that because the body heals at night and lymph nodes are working/draining, ect...my body was overloaded with toxins and the heart was trying to get them out.

Also got the deep bone pain again laying in bed, not for as long though as yesterday.

Sigh...I'm writing so I can look back on this next week when I'm feeling much better and remember what I went through to get here and the next time I do the laser I can read it and know that it's just a herx.

No idea if I have a temp today, didn't check...didn't feel like I had one earlier, but I'm feeling more like I'm 'floating', so I probably have it back. We have lots to do around the house and I really have no energy to do it at all...trying to get our house ready to sell and also need to get a loan to consolodate debt....

Did I mention that I figured out that I have a failed root canal in my molar? Yeah...when I bite on it, feels like there is glass inside way down in the bone. The dentist in 2005 told me I needed to have it redone, showed me x-rays where there is a dark circle at end of root.

It didn't hurt then, but it's been hurting for a while now....terrified of dentists and we've already used our max amount on dentist insurance (we have $1500 per family, but when I took our girls for a routine cleaning, it was over $200 and hubby had several cavities).

I also need my wisdom teeth out...so I want to be put under 'twilight sedation'...still scared to do that but I know that an infected tooth can only hurt me in my fight against the Lyme!

Erchonia Laser Treatment #2 (July 31, 2009)

Well..it's been a WHILE since I've posted....been feeling better and more busy with living!

BTW the photo is me with my long awaited Rife Machine! Sorry about the quality of the pic!

I've had some down days...several days of air hunger last week. July 3rd had about 1 hour of myclonus (again my left side affected/head).

I planned to just get muscle tested yesterday....but hubby and chirpractor convinced me to just do another treatment.

I asked to just have the 30 seconds again (I know I'm chicken...I just don't want the anxiety back since it's SO much better even though I know I will have to go through it to get well since the bacteria create toxins that cause the anxiety).

I felt OK yesterday after doing it. This morning I was up at 5:30 am! I felt wired, but not in an anxious way.

Body temp 98.9 around noon today haven't checked since.

Had bone pain just below my left knee today, but it subsided. My throat is getting kind of sore now, my head is killing me, my neck hurts and my eyes hurt...

FUN STUFF!

But ya know....I'm OK with it...as long as the panic attacks stay away I can handle the physical pain although I really don't like bad headaches, but I'll take it any day over a panic attack!

I received my rife machine last week. I didn't use it because we were leaving for Michigan a few days later and since I have no idea how I will react to it...I just didn't do it. We got back late Tuesday night.

I think I'm going to try another Laser treatment next Monday or Tuesday unless I'm still herxing, but for a full minute this time. Then I'll see what happens.

I want to then try the EMEM5.

I think I need to go chug some lemon water and put my feet up...my body is telling me to take it easy!

Thursday, June 11, 2007

I'm getting a rife machine!!! Wahoo!!!! I spoke with the original creator of the EMEM last Friday and he is going to make one for me!!! It is not nearly as expensive as I thought. I also received Bryan Rosner's Rife machine and Lyme book, which is an amazing book!

I'm very excited for it to come which will be in about 3.5 weeks. I personally have more confidence in rife machines than in antibiotics for Late stage Lyme Disease. Plus, I am not crazy about putting chemicals into my body for years and years. I am not against antibiotics and I am sure that I will still use them at some point in my journey.

Right now, I'm still doing high raw foods and I just had my first treatment with an Erchonia cold Laser on Tuesday. My uncle is a chiropractor and I took some Borrelia nosodes to him, that I received as a gift from a very kind man who was treated by Dr. W in Germany.

My uncle asked if I would like to try the laser, as he had Lyme frequencies he could put into it.

I was nervous so he only did 30 seconds total, I wasn't sure how I would react.

Within 25 minutes I was very tired. I started craving sugar later in the day which I did give into I must admit, but I didn't overdo it or anything.

Yesterday I was a headache, neckache, I was very tired and my temp was 99.4. And I could feel the anxiety.

Herx????

I hope so!

I did find another person on LN who did not want to do antibiotics, so he did cold laser therapy with the Erchonia with total success. I've got his phone number but he said he will not be back until Sunday, so I will be calling him then!

I am feeling better today, though not great, but that's OK.

Oh, our son also was more tired (he also had the laser therapy) and he had some eye floater type things yesterday, he was afraid he was seeing the Lyme spirchetes in his eyes, poor guy!

My left shoulder/back is actually hurting too, not sure what that is all about!

Well, that's all for now...exciting exciting, huh?!

Well, I am for the rife and possibly for the laser therapy. I'm ready to get through this junk!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Wow, it's been awhile since I posted! Let's see, the newspaper article was published. I was very happy with it, got a few requests from other people for names of my LLMD. I started getting a lot of jerking/tic type symptoms. Had a bad episode on Mother's Day at church. It was scary, I cried and while I was jerking, my 3 wonderful kids came and put their arms around me, it was so sweet. I felt my 2 year old kiss my belly while I was jerking about. They are the best kids a parent could ever dream to have!

I've had it occassionally since, last time was last Saturday, May 23. I've been trying to eat mainly raw foods for about 1.5 weeks now, I've definitely slipped up some, but doing pretty good. Last weekend, I had really really sore legs and feet. To the point that it was extremely painful to walk downstairs. I also have been getting some more numbness in my finger tips and a 'vibrating' sensation in my left leg.

I've been depressed for the past 2 weeks, some days worse than others. A couple days I basically cried all day. No particular reason. I used to do that consistantly in 1997-1998. Depression is the monster in the dark I've been fearing since. I also had more anixety this past weekend, mostly on Monday thought. Also last Fri or Sat, I noticed these small purplish/pink itchy bumps on my thighs, mostly my right thigh. I took a picture so I have evidence!

Today as I was putting on my old ripped T-shirt and running type shorts (the irony!), I had the urge to try on some jean shorts. They looked good on me. I look tired, but in other ways, perfectly healthy. No one would have a clue how miserable my existance is.

I thought to myself, "I'm 30 years old. Most 30 year old moms put on jean shorts and a cute shirt and take their kids to the park to play and talk with other people."

Instead I'm holed up in here dreading sorting clothes today. I'm switching over from winter clothes to summer and it's just overwhelming to me! It sounds silly, but I had my husband get them out of the Attic a week ago and I'm still struggling to finish it. For my defense though, I was gone Saturday and Sunday, had to go to a funeral, baby shower (which I laid down a lot of the time) and a family thing on Sunday (which I again laid down most of the time, my legs were so horribly sore).

Oh, I also had terrible insomnia Saturday night. I used to get that a lot, usually I don't have problems sleeping though now.

I ordered Utopia Silver (colloidal silver) last week that is scheduled to arrive today. I'm hoping it works. I figured that if it makes my heart crazy like the Doxy, then it is die off and I won't be afraid to restart the Doxy.

I did have some heart symptoms on Monday that were kinda scary. Then I had some yesterday, but they just felt like PVC's to me, not that those are fun, but not as scary as the skipping stuff for a 10 seconds straight. Or tachycardia.

Well, I should go, haven't eaten much today and I have people telling me that I'm starting to look bad weight wise again, so I need to eat to appease them!

Son's LLMD appointment

Well, I called last Friday, May 1 and was able to make an appointment (they had a cancellation) for Monday May 4. We drove 9 hours on Sunday and stayed in a hotel for the appointment the next day. Chicago traffic was a little rough, but not too bad for a big city. Not nearly as bad as we anticipated.

The hotel was fun, they had water slides, a sauna, hot tube, a nice wading pool for the kids with fun stuff, fitness center, nice breakfast. All for $71.99 plus tax!

Wisconsin was nice. We'd never been there. Lots of beautiful lakes.

Monday morning we were trying to hurry through breakfast, I did NOT want to be late. We met another family from Ohio as they saw James' Ohio State hat and came over to see if we were really from Ohio, or just Buckeye fans!

We made it there and there was a man standing in front of the receptionist's desk writing. I figured he was a patient and just stood 'in line'. he didn't move and the receptionist was talking on the phone seemingly ignoring him, so I sat down and waited.

Soon this 'patient' went behind the desk and made a few calls, then I realized he was the LLMD! How embarrassing! I guess I'm used to the white coat doc's, lol!

The doc was fantastic, we all liked him. There was something about him that makes you trust him and know that he is very intelligent and can actually help you. I can't really explain it.

I explained Elijah's symptoms including his complaint of heart pain. He looked at the Igenex results and said that with that 39 band present and the others that he definitely has Lyme. But he also said that Elijah may get well very quickly because he is a kid and his immune system is better than an adult's.

So that was the GREAT news!!

Then he examined Elijah, asked him where his heart hurt. Elijah pointed to his left side near the sternal area. The doctor listened to him for a while and checked his pulse, then he listened again, asking him to hold his breath at one point, then checked his pulse and finally listened yet again.

He told us to get him to a Pediatric cardiologist as soon as we can. He said that not everything is from Lyme. He said that Lyme can surely affect the heart, but his pain and fatigue may not be due to Lyme.

I could have cried, both from fear and from joy. I have thought for many years now that he may have a heart defect. The pediatricians always told me that he sounded 'fine' after listening for all of 10 seconds. yet when I listened to him, he just doesn't sound 'right'. Even our 2 year old has a better sounding heart than him, both of our girls sound the same.

Plus I knew how he didn't breathe well at birth. He had poor to no tone. Did not move, did not breathe, color was poor. He seemed to be dead. He needed to have O2 at birth and he is the only one of the kids who did not nurse for awhile after birth, maybe an hour or more??

He's complained of chest pain since he was 5 or 6 (can't remember). He actually just says that his heart hurts. And the pedi said he was fine.

I could kick myself for not demanding that someone do SOMETHING. But I listened to the doc instead of my intuition.

We have an appointment on May 18 to see a Pediatric Cardiologist. Hopefully sooner if they get a cancellation.

I am in the process of trying to get him out of school and into homeschooling, that way if he has another episode (sometimes gets tachycardia seems like), we will just take him to the ER. We all want to know if he is OK.


So while this was totally unexpected...I guess I am very thankful for this intelligent LLMD's ability to pick up on it.

So, this is where it stands right now. Will update if anything else happens.

Newspaper article about me and my life with Lyme Disease

I printed two letter to two local papers and sent them. The next day (yesterday) I received a call from the larger paper stating that they wanted to do a story immediately to have in the paper on Sunday!

I'm trying to gather as much factual information about this disease as possible. I'm a quiet person, and while I don't want my 'business' everywhere, I know how much I have personally gained from other people's stories in newspapers and TV, ect about Lyme.

I hope this can help at least one person get an accurrate diagnosis. I wish I had read something about how poor the Lyme tests are and all of the possible symptoms and misdiagnosis' of Lyme years ago.

This story MAY be able to help someone to prevent a lifetime of suffering and from passing this disease on to their children!

It is Wed, April 29 and they are coming tomorrow morning. I'm nervous and afraid I will be as bad mind wise as I have been, I hope I'm not too 'out of it' tomorrow and I'm not on any pain meds or anything, it's purely the Lyme and co!

I will update this tomorrow after they come!

Well, now it's Fri, May 1 and the interview went pretty well, lasted 1 hour 15 mins, reporter was great.

I kept forgetting what I was saying, this has been happening a lot lately. I've also been getting tremor like things as well. My head bobs around sometimes, my hands jerk. It's kind of scary, wondering how bad I will get.

Anyhow, she called and said the article will run on Monday, May 4 and will be on the front page of the Lifestyle section. I'm anxious to see it, I hope that it is informative and maybe someone else will see themself in me and seek help from an LLMD.

Good news, I called today and we were able to get Elijah in to see an LLMD in Wisconsin this Monday!!! So we are leaving for WI early Sunday morning.

My brother just saw this same LLMD in WI yesterday and was very happy with him. It would be great if Elijah, my brother and I could all be getting better soon. Though I know I will take the longest because I have been sick for so long now.

One question the interviewer asked was if I am ever angry that I have been sick for so much of my life. I honestly said sometimes, but that it's Elijah possibly being ill that really makes me feel awful.

I haven't really thought a ton about how hard and sad my life has been. I started realizing it I guess at my class reunion. Everyone went to college and had the 'normal' college life, fun years of dating, weddings, ect. I had none of those. Funny thing was when James and I went to the courthouse to get married, I was a little sad, but NOTHING compared to what I'd been through. We never had a wedding b/c all my life my mom said it was stupid when someone has a kid togetyher and then gets married with the whole white dress and everything.

So I didn't. Course later I heard our fantastic pastor talk about how that doesn't matter, because Jesus took everyone's sin away. I remember when I got pregnant, my life was out of control. I felt weird all the time, was convinced God hated me and that is why I felt so awful all the time. I didn't think I would live through the pregnancy. Just felt like death. But I was with James because I knew/felt like he loved me and didn't feel like anyone else cared one ounce about me. He still loves me unconditionally and I know he would move mountains for me if he could.

Lyme just takes so much: your mind, your body, your joy and it even tries to take your soul.

I don't know that everyone who has Lyme suffers to the same degree as I have, it's been an intense journey and even now I am sometimes afraid of fighting for my life. Afraid it will try to take me in the end...maybe if I am passive, I can at least live to see my children grow up.

The past several weeks with the new symptoms of numbness, jerkiness, parkinson's like movements at times and severe memory/difficulty with word recall, I'm not sure my life will be spared if I don't start fighting with everything I've got.

I just feel so weak.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Well, It's been quite a while since I've posted. I received my holter monitor results on April 17 which showed PAC's and PVC's with one Atrial run. I felt pretty good during that 24 hours and did not have the extended period of my heart skipping, so I still don't know what my heart is doing during those times.

I had an Echocardiogram last week which showed within normal limits as far as they could tell. The Cardiologist wrote that it was a difficult study based on patient's size. The tech kept complaining that I was so skinny (and I've gained 10 lbs, no longer technically 'underweight', I don't know why she kept saying it).

So at the end, the Cardiologist wrote that it was a technically difficult study. Which leads me to wonder how accurate the results are. Ejection Fraction showed 55% which is on the low side of normal, but still normal. However, there were 5 blanks out of 13 on the test, someone explained that they only examined my systolic function, people with CFS often have normal systolic function, but diastolic is abnormal.

Sigh.... I've gone back and forth with treatment options. Now that I have the cardio reports though, I feel much more comfortable about restarting the antibiotics. I did oil of oregano yesterday and 2 HUGE cloves of fresh garlic.

After I had a lot of feeling weird and memory problems. I put my hand on the refrigerator door and couldn't remember how to open it for a few seconds, I just stood there dumbfounded. Again happened with typing, couldn't remember how to make my fingers push the keys down.

Laid in bed most of the day, watched Dr. Quinn movies and a Barbie one that my 2 year old put in.

Well...I will go for now =)

April 2, 2009

Well, I had my first detox foot bath today. Had some anxiety off and on throughout the day.

Tonight I was feeling 'jittery'. My puslse was about 58-60, so I knew it wasn't true anxiety, my breathing felt 'off'.

I then realized I am having air hunger, taking big breaths without trying, an icky, yucky feeling.

I checked then, I had it Feb 19, 20 and 21 (i believe, may have the 18 too). Then again March 9, 10. Then now, April 2.

If I get night sweats again, I guess I will know that I do have Babesia like Electrodermal testing revealed.

Argh!

I can't wait until my appointment tomorrow, I just hope I feel better.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Well, let's see what is new. The weather was great today, so that helped. I felt OK today. Earlier was worse. My legs are really tired today. Like I just need to sit or lay down. The past few days, the fingers in my left hand are numb, esp the tips. Not sure what that is all about, but maybe my shoulder is still out? I had a lot of shoulder pain on my left side last week.

I haven't taken the Doxy since Saturday. I had a lot of throat/chest tightness followed by gobs of sinus drainage since taking it last, so I figured I would not take it Sunday (the throat stuff was really bad, I couldn't even sing at church) and take it Monday. Monday morning I had another bad panic attack. I haven't had these in a long time, like really bad ones.

So I was just praying for another answer, or if antibiotics are the answer, then so be it. I just need to know. For whatever reason, after I had settled down enough on Monday to lay down again (around 7:30 am I think) I started thinking of these frequency remedies for Lyme I had read about. I searched about them on Monday much of the day and spoke with someone who has taken them with success.

I remembered my alternative MD mentioning a woman who has a frequency type machine in the area, so I called his office and left a message. They got back with me yesterday and I called her this morning.

This may be the answer. I'd rather not say what the machine is, or how it works right now because I don't know a whole lot about it. I have a free consult with her though in 2 days.

My first question was, "have you ever treated a patient with Lyme Disease". She said she bought the machine ONLY because her daughter was sick with Lyme Disease. She had been misdiagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (as I was).

She said she is now well.

I was fairly excited much of the day. Of course I am already starting to worry if it's safe due to high die off, ect.

But I am going to first have the consult to discuss with her at least.

If this works and my son can also heal without medication, this would be wonderful. If this thing works, I'm going to get one and help others. I don't think I could possibly do anything else in this life while knowing there are so many people silently suffering for years and years and years with Lyme.

I have my first Ionic Foot Detox tomorrow at my uncle's office. I'm nervous, not sure what to expect.

My husband did it last week. The WEIRDEST thing is when I woke up the next morning I could smell cigarette smoke. I personally cannot stand the smell and I could not figure out where it was coming from. I inched closer to my husband and his neck smelled like cigarettes!

He and I don't smoke, but he lived with his parents for 18-19 years and his dad is a moderate/heavy smoker.

Wow! That was pretty unexpected. He said he has been more irritable since the detox, and I teased him that as the nicotine is clearing his tissues, he is going through withdrawl...

Ah...well. I am one tired monkey tonight. I must go to bed now..will update later!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Well, I waited to take the Doxycycline until I'd seen my new PCP, who prescribed a holter monitor for the skipped heart beats/ tachycardia.

I got that put on yesterday (Fri, March 27) and took it off today. I only had one little flutter with it on. I did take the Doxy yesterday (100 mg) and was shaking all over I was so afraid. This morning I did not wake up with the heart palps like last time though. I worried that I might and laid in bed for almost an hour after I woke up, but nada!

I took the Doxy again about an hour and fifteen minutes ago.

I want to try 2 I think on Monday. I plan to stay on 2 until after we get back from Wisconsin on April 7.

Our son's Igenex came back.

IgM: 41 IND
IgG: 39 IND, 41 +++

So it appears he has been exposed to Lyme. We will see what this new LLMD thinks.

When I saw the 39 Band, I had a sick feeling. Everything I've read about that band says it is the most specific for Lyme of all.

I just want our son to be happy and healthy. It's scary when your child says that their heart hurts, or they are so tired all of the time.

I feel awful that I may have passed this awful infection to him. But I know that I was misdiagnosed years before he was even conceived.

Depending on whether this new doctor believes that he has Lyme for sure or not, we have decided not to have any more children.

I've always wanted 4, but God's plan is perfect, and maybe that is not in His plans. Us humans think we are so smart, huh =)

Well, I need to do some dishes that I've been ignoring for too long!

Tuesday, March 24 2009

Well, I went to see my Alternative MD today. He said he will certainly try to support my body nutritionally while on treatment. I asked him to muscle test me for Doxy. He hesitated and stated that because it is a medication, that most likely it will be negative.

He tested it and to his surprise came out very strong for me. He smiled and said, "wow, I didn't expect that!" He then tested for allergies to it (none). He then tested to see how many per day I needed. It came up 4 (400 mg/day).

He again said that while it was a lot, it seemed to be what my body wanted, but stated to take it as the LLMD prescribed.

Yesterday, I had a bad day. My stomach hurt for most of the day. My lower back also hurt, like a burning pain. I didn't eat or drink much because of it. I haven't had night sweats in 2-3 nights now, which is good.

We still haven't heard from Igenex about Elijah's test. I'm so anxious to find out. I hope we find out tomorrow.

My eyes hurt today and I think I'm going to get ready for bed very soon. I need to shut the computer off, it's really hurting my head.

Good night.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Ugh! I am so tired of the night sweats! I remember slightly waking up last night and taking my shirt off, but when I first woke up topless this morning and felt my still damp shirt laying beside me, I remembered.

I did not have a fever today though, so that is good. It was 98.6 a little while ago.

I am really really tired today. Just utterly exhausted. I just want to go to bed and wake up well. I don't care if 2 years away. I don't feel like I'm truly alive usually anyway. I'm just having a case of the blahs this evening. Just feeling sorry for myself.

I just feel like this 'thing' should have been treated so many years ago. My children may have it, we will find out this week what Elijah's Igenex Western blot says. I'm so scared.

He wanted to watch Under Our Skin, so I let him last night. I stopped it in various places and we talked of the content. He said he wasn't afraid. He has no idea how afraid I am for him.

I don't want to see him sick and hurting. Knowing that I gave it to him, is just a horrible tragedy.

I know that I've been sick for far too long to remember...to really truly remember how good life can be. But he's never been 100%. If he doesn't test positive, I will be shocked.

The weather was sunny and in the 50's. I thought about how active I used to be as we walked out of chuch to see kids playing/running. How good it felt to feel the wind in my hair as I ran. How freeing it was to be alert and happy. Not to be frustrated in a mere conversation because I cannot remember what I just said or what I wanted to say or the name of a simple object.

I am now 30 years old, but often feel 30-40 years older. My mother, in her 50's, enjoys much better health than I.

So many of us are silently suffering, hidden under misdiagnosis'. I was for many years. Even when I was well enough to go to college, I placed self imposed limitations on myself. Bedtime was strict at 10 o clock because I feared getting so ill again.

I worried immensely when I was working night shift in the NICU that somehow I was going to get sick again. I was more tired, but just attributed it to having young kids. My cognitive function then was miles ahead of where I sit today. I could not safely work in a NICU today. I couldn't remember the important things. I got forks out today for lunch twice (within 2 minutes) because I'd forgotten I'd already done it. I've burned so much food in the past few months because I cannot remember that I have something cooking if the children need me for a sec.

I had a lot of muscle twitches today. I did Thursday too. That was the deciding factor to start the Doxy. As I sat in bed wondering if I should risk trying it, my hand spasmed and index finger twitched suddenly. These happen quite frequently, but I know it is not normal.

I just feel exhausted this evening. I went to church today, came home and ate, got on the computer for awhile, went upstairs and read a book and laid in bed for awhile. Not exactly an exhausing regimen I would say!

I did screw in a couple of screws for the drywall downstairs while James held it. Otherwise I feel worthless today.

Oh, I did get my hair chopped off yesterday. I am to tired to comb it everyday. Since getting it highlighted last summer for the first time, it's been so dry, so I got about 12 inches cut off. It's going to be much easier to deal with, I can tell.

Well, I should try to have the kids get baths, they were in the woods, and I don't want to risk them getting poison ivy, I know how miserable that is!

Fri, March 20, 2009

Well, I survived! I felt better after 2 hours, knowing I would be OK. felt OK last night, my left forearm felt a little achy, but may have been from something else. Also had some congitive issues making supper, but that sometimes happens anyhow!

this morning, my heart was racing, my hands looked like I'd dipped them in water they were drenched with sweat! Feet were sweaty. ugh!

I started feeling panicky then, wondering if I should go to the ER. Then the skipped heart beats started and I don't freak out about them as much anymore since I get them a lot and haven't died yet! Within 10-20 mins I felt better. I drank some water, used the restroom and sat down for awhile.

Was this a herx?? I don't know. If it was I sure know that I am sticking with 100 mg for now!

Anyhow, I'm feeling better now, I'm going to go eat a grapefruit.

3/19/09 I started treatment today!!

Well, after waiting over the weekend to start treatment (we had plans to go somewhere that involved walking outside last Saturday), I waited as it was sunny in OH this week and then I wussed out.

I have a fear of medications, side effects, life threatening reactions, you name it. I have never regularly taken medication in my life. My husband on the other hand isn't afraid to try anything, but he has been a type one diabetic for nearly 19 years, and has taken insulin every day since.

It hasn't been even a half hour since I took it, so I'm still shaking (physically). In a few hours I will be fine. I am proud that I did it, I started worrying that I would have to go to counseling for this medication fear.

We are hoping our son's Igenex will come back next week, if not it will be the week after. I'm very interested to see what it says. Nervous too. It would surely explain some of his behavior/fatigue, but at the same time, I would never want him to have this. I already feel so guilty knowing I may have passed this to my precious babies. Of course I didn't know I had it, but still.

Well, I will update later when I'm feeling a little better and I haven't reacted to the med for sure!

Monday, March 16. 2009

Well, I had my long awaited appointment last Thursday, Hurray!!!

I was prescribed Doxycycline 300 mg/day. I was planning to start it today, but chickened out. I started worrying that the exercised induced asthma I had in high school may have been caused by the Doxy I was on in high school for mild acne.

I just spoke with my mom and she said she is sure that I took 1 or 2 bottles total, so I am sure now that it was not causing it, since the asthma lasted for at least 8 months.

I just watch Under Our Skin again and I am ready to take it now. To think I could be feeling better soon...wow!

I've had a low grade fever for the past 4 days. 99.4 today. I used to have a lot of low grade fevers over the years, on three occassions, I didn't even realize. Twice I was at the doc's for a routine physical and was asked if I felt OK. I said yes and was told that I had a fever.

So I wonder if I often do have one and just don't realize it.

I guess too, I am really scared about having some type of psych herx, read about a woman who started beating her kids due to a psych herx! That is really scary!!!

I don't think that would happen, I hope the worst that happens is I will be achy and flu-like. Just no tachycarda/anxiety/depression. anything else I can handle!

I am cutting my hair for Locks For Love when I start treatment. It's long and usually I am to tired to deal with it, so it will be a new beginning for me!

Oh, I am also having itchiness behind both knees again. Was a little itchy on my chest today, another reason I didn't want to take the abx, if the rash got worse I wouldn't know if it was a drug reaction or not. So if it's still there tomorrow, I think it's safe to assume that if it gets worse it is probably the meds then.

Well, I need to get going....

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Well, today has been quite a day! James usually gets our son up and he overslept, the alarm didn't go off (or so he says!) and he was very late today for school.

I went to see my alternative MD. I'd forgotten how much I love that guy! He is fantastic! Very knowledgable with the desire to continue learning constantly. He was very receptive to me going to see my new LLMD and it turns out, he may have spoken with him once!

He said he spoke with a Lyme doc in PA a few years ago about an ALS patient. Someone told him to call the LLMD, as he may be able to help.

LLMD said to put ALS patient on Tetracycline and another antibiotic, and sure enough, he improved!

He muscle tested me today and my organs are much better than they were in 2007. He was surprised how much better my adrenals were! I told him that back then, I could hardly sit still. I enjoyed the appointment today because my mind wasn't racing, and I could focus on what was going on.

He is going to be a GREAT resource for me though during this, I can tell.

He told me about some of the alternative therapies I could try that he has to maybe help.

I asked if he would like to borrow Under Our Skin (he wrote down the name of it) and he said he would love to. So I'm going to bring it with me when I see him again in 2 weeks.

I asked this doctor what strain of Babesia showed up in my electrodermal testing 1.5 years ago, it was Babesia Canis.

Which is a strain that usually affects dogs. According to Dr. Schaller, it can also affect humans.

Here is a link: http://www.babesiabook.com/articles/babesia2007update.html


Well, I'm really excited to see what my new LLMD says, even more so now that I have an alternative MD to help with all of this!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Well, I am relieved that I will be seeing my new LLMD in just 3 days. I am finalizing my notes/questions for him so I will be 'ready'. I am seeing my alternative MD in Ohio tomorrow. He is the first doctor to tell me I had Lyme and Babesia.

I was really tired today, may have partly been due to the time change. We got our oldest child's blood drawn today for Igenex for Lyme. It will take anywhere from 2-4 weeks to get the results. I'm nervous.

I am feeling some air hunger again, it has been 3 weeks almost since it last happened. I hope it doesn't get as awful feeling as it did last time.

Well, it's late and I need to get myself to bed!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Well, this will be short because it's getting late and I have kids to get ready for bed. I've started to have difficulty swallowing again. This evening I nearly choked on dinner. It's so frustrating. This was one of my first major symptoms which started I believe in Dec 1996. It went away after about a year, but came back in November 2003, and did not go away until 2006 some time.

It's been intermittent since. It is so frustrating to fear eating. It feels like my throat becomes paralyzed and it just won't work.

I am very curious to see what my new LLMD thinks about this symptom.

I also have been having some more heart palps again. Ugh!!

Well, I need to get the kiddos ready for bed!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Well, it's been a rollar coaster ride the past few days. Just when you think certain symptoms are gone...they're Baaacckkk!

I awoke on Thursday morning with that awful feeling of anxiety, the pit in my stomach. No idea why. I thought about it later and I realized we were upon the end of the month. Much of last year, I was having flare ups of possible Bartonella, my anxiety would surge and I would have very sore legs and feet. It felt like someone either beat me with a baseball bat, or I had just exercised for hours the day before, when in fact neither instance had occurred.

Friday morning I awoke with leg pain. Mostly in the quads. A little in the calves. It was odd because usually my feet hurt too. That came on Saturday.

Swallowing trouble is beginning again. Today my legs feel pretty great, but my swallowing is very difficult. This is one of the scary symptoms that I really hate.

Why did all of this reocurr? I really don't know. I did drink quite a bit of grapefruit juice the past few days, which may have the crushed grapefruit seed in it..a potent antifungal/antibacterial substance.

I just cannot wait for my appointment next week (yes, it is NEXT WEEK!). I hope my anxiety is down then, there is nothing worse than feeling like you are dying and driving in a car in the middle of nowhere.

Plus I want to be able to focus on what my new LLMD is saying, when my mind is going 100 miles/minute, it's a little difficult.

Well.... I need to get the children bathed and hopefully be in bed early tonight, Elijah had a 103 fever most of the day yesterday and he needs his rest!

Feb 25, 2009

Well, I felt pretty bad yesterday. I think I had a virus or something. James was sick the day before with fatigue and low grade fever. That's what I had yesterday. I think Violet may have it today, poor baby!

I wish my appointment was tomorrow. I just want to go already, it's SO hard to just wait! I made an appointment with a pediatric LLMD in PA for Elijah in April. I will mention Elijah's symptoms at my appointment in 2 weeks (from tomorrow!).

I don't have a lot to say, it's getting late and I'm getting ready for bed!

I'll end with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs....




Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning
Who told the ocean you can only come this far?
Who showed the moon where to hide 'til evening
Whose words alone can catch a falling star?


Well I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
All of creation testify
This life within me cries
I know my Redeemer lives


The very same God that spins things in orbit
He runs to the weary, the worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
They conquered death to bring me victory


Now I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redemer lives
Let all creation testify
This life within me cries
I know my Redeemer lives

Sunday, Feb 22, 2009

Well, I just re-read my last post and I am still just as tired (or more so). The breathing was bad Thursday night. I was laying there at 12:30 still feeling like my breathing was off, so I got my stethoscope out and while I thought I heard an abnormality in the left lower lobe of my left lung, I don't think it was anything. I finally fell asleep around 1 am and awoke at 4 to potty. My dog came barging into the bathroom, scaring me and then it was hard to fall asleep. My breathing was bad, I started to worry, got some nice adrenaline rushes and finally just got up and sat on the couch. James came out a few minutes later and asked if I was OK.

I said yes and he went to the bathroom. A couple minutes passed and I heard two loud 'thumps'. I raced into the bathroom (as best I could) to find my husband unconscious in the bathtub, his legs hanging over the side. He awoke as I talked to him. I got some sugar into him immediately (since diabetics can pass out due to low blood sugar), and checked his sugar. His sugar was high, not low. And not high enough to cause anything.

He went to bed and finally agreed to go to the ER after he kept feeling faint. So we spent the better part of Friday in the ER. Of course I had slept 4 hours and I was feeling tired, but nervous for him. I think today I'm feeling the effects.

I have a slight fever today, my neck is stiff and painful, I'm dizzy, feel very foggy, I have a productive cough and my throat is a little sore.

I received my lab tests since we were at the same hosptial that I had them drawn. Most of them were within normal limits. Even my Lymphocytes and Monocytes that had previously been low were normal. My CH50 is low and the C4 is on the low side (16.1). Which online says can mean Autoimmune like Lupus.

I am very interested to see what my new LLMD thinks. I wish my appointment was sooner, I am counting down each day. 18 days left. I am thrilled that this man may be able to help me get well.

I ate sugar last night (we had family night with our kids), had chocolate, sesame treat things and some Panda licorice (which for the record isn't processed sugar, but does have molasses).

I just feel like I am drunk today or something and I don't drink alcohol. I think it's the candida. So I'm doing mostly raw. I know I need to and James needs to make sure he's eating live food too.

I want him to be tested for Lyme. He's got the brain fog down pat. His body temperature was 96.7 at 11 am.

I was hoping that he wouldn't get it. I'm sure the kids all have it, even if 2 aren't really that symptomatic.

Well...I'd better go lay down again, this dizziness is just no fun esp when I have SO much laundry to do (but I did get the house cleaned a few days ago).

Thursday Feb 19, 2009

I am tired today. I was so tired last night and ready to sleep. I went to bed around 11 and woke up at 1 am completely drenched in my own sweat. I stripped completely and moved to an unsoaked part of the bed and fell asleep. At 5-6 am, again I woke up soaked. Moved to another spot in the bed and fell asleep again. I awoke at 8:45 am to Noah barking outside.

I jumped up as I thought James had forgotten to take our son to school (well that he overslept or something). Nope, they had a 2 hour delay due to the snow.

I feel like I keep forgetting to breathe today. Like every so often, my lungs will expand and take in a big breath of air. It may be air hunger (a symptom of Babesia). My neck was also sore and stiff this morning.

I would really like to just lay in bed and watch movies all day, but cannot with the kiddos. I really need to clean my house and finish the laundry.

ugh.. this getting well business was so much easier when I was 18 because my mom did the household stuff and I had no kids to care for. Getting well is a bigger incentive now though because of my babies.

I've also had this symptom for a few months occassionally of walking and feeling like the floor is moving under me. It's very bizarre. I hope to ask my new LLMD about that next month. I wish my appointment was sooner. Maybe I will call the office and make sure they know I am ready and willing to see him sooner if possible!

Supposedly my bloodwork may be ready tomorrow from the hospital. I plan to call to see if it's all in or not. If it is, then that is fantastic. I'm very eager to see how it is, how it's changed since my Oct bloodwork in the ER and to see the Rheumatoid factor and inflammatory responses. I've never had those taken/measured.

Some days like today when I feel so crappy, I wonder if I will make it until March 12. I know that I have felt this bad or worse over the years, but it still stinks and makes me worry.

Well, I really need to try to do something. The dizziness makes it so hard. I need to keep drinking water too, I often forget and since I lost a lot of fluid last night, my urine was very dark and sparse this morning.

Tuesday, Feb 17. 2009

Well it's hard to believe that there are only 11 days left in Feb! I'm glad because it means March is nearing and better weather should be upon us as well as my first appointment with Dr. J.

On Valentine's Day, James and I went to the local hospital and had my pre-appointment bloodwork drawn. Only 7 vials of blood were taken, with the order sheet I was afraid I was going to be donating a large amount of blood! I'm glad I will be tested for EBV, I was told in 2002 that I did not have it, therefore I never had mono. But who knows?!! I've been told many conflicting things from a variety of doctors.

I watched part of Dr. Phil today (I never watch it, but heard them speaking about fear, so I started watching) and I think I want to start counseling. Something REALLY awful happened to me and my family in Oct 2007 and I have not gotten past it, partially because I do not know how this will affect my future.

I do believe I have PTSD. I have not driven by myself since July 2008, and I am sometimes very fearful in public places. I just don't know how having this terror will affect my LD treatment. It's quite obvious to me that this awful thing crashed my immune system and allowed me to relapse for the third time.

So can I heal without addressing this issue? I doubt it. But I am petrified of talking about it. I can only imagine how fearful it will be to talk with another person about this. Plus I feel guilty because James and the kids will have to take me to the appointment.

I just don't know. I did call one counseling place and asked if they have any experience with Lyme Disease induced anxiety and depression. I was not surprised that they do not. However, I do believe that there are many people in OH who do have Lyme with A and D and don't know they are sick. So they probably have seen people like myself.

I need to get over my fear of taking medications. I had a reaction (whether fear based or allergic, I'm not sure) to something called Seroctin I bought online last summer. I took the liquid and within minutes, my heart made a huge BOOM! And it just took off. It was beating harder than I'd ever experienced it, I placed James' hand on my chest and his worried expression let me know that this was bad.

It took about 15 minutes for the rate to slow enough that I could start to breathe normally. I never took it again and have not experienced it since. James took the supplement twice without ill effects. It's hard to say what caused it.

As a result, I am very fearful that I will either have an anaphylactic reaction to a medicine or one with tachycardia/hypertension again that will kill me.

So I struggle with wondering if I should just remain in my current state and hope that the Lyme dosen't kill me or take meds that may kill me.

What a rotten choice!

Sometimes I wish I could return at least to Sept 2007 and ensure that this trauma would not occur. What would my life be like? Vastly different without the recurrance of Lyme I'm sure! My children are missing out without me. I know this. It kills me. I often wish that I had never made that trip to South Carolina in 1996. What I thought would be a wonderful time turned out to be the most devestating lifealtering occurance in my life.

I wish people without Lyme had the capacity to understand the magnitude that lyme changes a person. I can hardy rememver who I used to be. My mother remembers. She has stated several times that it just seemed that something came and took her daughter one day. Physically I am still here. Yes. Part of me anyways. I can walk and clean and cook, somedays are more of a a struggle than others.

Yesterday I was trying to help James with the basement walls. He wanted to remove the paneling and drywall after our water pipes broke and the basement flooded in January. Well, we removed the walls last week, but they were both nailed AND glued and there is MUCH glue to scrape off. It's very difficult to scrape. I could scrape about 10 inches worth and I would have to sit down. Then repeat.

I know he gets frustrated, but I did warn him that I may not be of much help.

Such is my life.

Sorry I am not full of hope today about my healing. It just feels imppossible sometimes.

Anyway.....I will end this post now.

Wed, Feb 11, 2009

Well, today was a strange day. I was awake at 6 am with a terrible nightmare, it was difficult to fall asleep after that. I awoke again at 9 am. I was exhausted and did not think I would make it until bedtime.

I came downstairs and watched the last part of Seventh Heaven on TV. Got the girls breakfast and cleaned up the spilled oatmeal on the floor/table.

Noah (our dog) has been driving us crazy lately. I know he needs walked more. I've just been so tired and James just doesn't like him and won't walk him....sigh....

If I need to go do laundry I either have to tie him up or ask James to watch him. He constantly gets things he knows he isn't supposed to have and chews them. Like today, our brand new rug pad that we haven't even used yet. I was in with Madison (she was on the naughty chair for stratching her brother), and I went out to check on Noah who was in the hallway. I opened the door and he jumped up and ran to the other side of the hallway with tape in his mouth (from the rug pad).

I felt pretty good anxiety wise today which was a blessing. Just felt tired and a little depressed, two Chronic Lymies committed suicide this past week I just found out. I feel awful for them and pray that I don't get to that state of mind again, it is worse than any imaginable amount of pain.

I wonder if I will truly be well again. James and the kids will not even know me. It's exciting to ponder the possibilities, but sobering to realize it may never happen. I can still remember (somewhat) how I felt before my senior year in high school when I got so sick. This disease makes me so angry to have taken so much of my life. So many good years. Sometimes I wish it could have happened to me later in life, my 40's or 50's so I could have enjoyed my youth.

Last week I had a good day. I still had a little anxiety, but I felt pretty darn good. It felt like such a gift. And I realized that to the rest of the world, this is every single day. I remember in CA when my symptoms were for the most part non-existant in 2005-2006 and on those days when I just didn't want to go to work, I smiled knowing that a year before I would have taken that anyday.

I functioned working as a Neonatal Intensive Care nurse in a level 3 NICU with critical neonates, and I loved it. Now? Now I would not be able to stand and do assessments or remember how to calculate meds correctly.

That makes me sad. Right now were are remodeling our basement after it flooded in January, and it's all I can do to try and keep the house clean and try to do a little to help with the basement. It needs to be done before I start treatment as I may get very ill and will not be able to function at all.

How do you feel when you start taking medication to kill the bacteria that's been allowed to party in your body for 12.5 years? How bad can the herxheimer reaction get?

THAT is what frightens me. I know the local hospital has no experience with Lyme Disease. I went there in Oct with a panic attack (it had been lasting for 4 hours and even after being in the ER, didn't let up for several more hours). I told the Triage Nurse that I had been diagnosed with Lyme 2 weeks before. She looked at me wide-eyed and asked, "Where did you get THAT?"

Doesn't matter that PA has the highest number of new cases of Lyme and it is right next to OH! Doctors here don't know the s/s of Lyme, so everyone is diagnosed with MS, Lupus, FibroM, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, ect. How many of these people are suffering with Lyme and hiding behind a misdiagnosis?? I was one of them for years.

Well, I should start watching Noah better, he's tried to eat a picture frame he saw on the table and went upstairs to eat the rugpad, chewed a sock, ect. Just in the last 5 minutes.

Good Night.

Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009

Well it's still morning, but I've been sneezing a lot today, maybe from helping James rip out paneling 2 nights ago. I'm feeling discouraged today, wondering if this will EVER end. I added some friends to my facebook page last night and (they didn't know I have Lyme) they asked what I was up to, ect.

Sometimes I feel like I've never gotten to have a real life. It's been clouded by this illness. I had so many dreams back in high school. I was so smart and ready for life. Now sometimes like when I'm in the shower I will look at both the shower gel and the shampoo and try to think really hard to remember which one I use on my body and which on my hair. I get really confused sometimes.

I apparently will say something to James and he will give me a 'huh?' I will say it again and he will say, "No, that's not what you said before, you didn't make any sense." I will swear that I said the same thing both times though, it seems like I did.

I looked at pictures of my old friends on facebook enjoying their kids/life. My kids have never had a 'normal, healthy mom'. Back in the day before I knew it was Lyme, I just kept reiterating what the doc said, "panic disorder". It's all in my head. I would get so frustrated that I couldn't overcome it.

Thing is, when I went on a raw diet, it took about 6 months, but the panic/fatigue stopped. Now if it was panic disorder, why in the world did it go away without counseling?? But just diet??! My theory is that the diet enabled me to detox the neuro toxins from the Lyme while strengthening my immune system and knocked the spirochetes into cyst form (dormancy). Then when I got pregant 6 months later, I started eating junk food and my body was working really hard to make te baby and immune function crashed.

When Violet was just 1-2 months old, I started getting the heart symptoms again. Plus after she was born, I had night sweats for about 8 weeks following her birth. I had not had that with the other 2 kids. My mom assured me it was 'just hormones'.

2 weeks ago I had a few heart episodes, I was also having sheet soaking night sweats for 5-7 nights in a row. I haven't had another heart episode since, nor the night sweats. Babesia flaring it's ugly head?

I cannot wait to see Dr. J next month in PA. I know that someone told me that he doesn't buy into the idea that everyone has a co-infection, but I'm hopeful that he will consider Babs for me, esp since it came up on Electrodermal testing before I ever knew I had Lyme.

Well, I need to get moving, crazy James wants me (haha) to rip out all of the paneling in his office basement, and we need to take it to the landfill later today, swing by Lowes. I've promised Elijah that we can go to the library after his Good News program after school. He really wants to get some Junie B Jones books, his teacher reads them at school to the students.

I may write more later if I get a chance!

Bible Verses and Lyme

I wanted to start a post with bible verses that pertain to Lyme disease.

This verse stuck out this morning, because I often feel so alone and afraid, but the battle is truly not mine!

He said: "Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. ... You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.'"

2 Chronicles 20:15,17

Saturday, Feb 7, 2009

Well, today was kind of a yucky day. I was really tired and we had to go to our niece's birthday party. It was good to go, and I was able to sit most of the 3 hours, so that was nice. I just feel so foggy today, like I'm drunk or something? It's 9:35 pm and I am so ready for bed!

I have an appointment with my new LLMD on March 12 and I am so excited. Now we are trying to figure out how much our health insurance will pay for my lab tests. This new doctor wants me to have them all completed a few weeks before the appointment, and our insurance doesn't switch until March. Ugh!!

Whichever insurance we do end up having, we'll have to pay some out of pocket regardless...so....

I really hope that these antibiotics will give me my life back. I'm tired of feeling so disconnected from everything and everyone (including myself).

It takes a toll over the years. Funny how when I first started feeling this way, it was just unbearible. This was 12 years ago and had I known 12 years later, nothing would have changed, well I would have gone insane for sure!

I think having 3 wonderful kids makes me keep going. I want to be a good mom for them, and I can't when I am sick.

I just pray that my new doctor in Pennsylvania is the answer to my prayers!!!

I need to put the kids to bed, we have church in the morning (I haven't gone in 3 weeks, hope I'm feeling better tomorrow!).

Good night.

Feb 5, 2009

So today my main symptoms are some major fatigue, pretty heavy brain fog, minor muscle twitching, and some worried thoughts. I felt pretty good yesterday, so in comparison, today is a crappy day, but nothing compared to last fall. I ate OK today, had a few apples, oatmeal with pure maple syrup, some pretzels, egg salad sandwich (on whole wheat bread) and a vanilla yogurt. I've managed to gain 8 lbs this past month, wahoo! I was wearing pretty thin, so this a good thing, my face looks so much better now!

There are some organic cookies calling my name in the cupboard behind me and so far I've resisted, but...they are tempting. I'll try and eat another apple instead!

I'm going to try and get to bed earlier tonight and get better sleep (no more nightmares please!), and see how I feel in the morning.

Good night!

Welcome to my Blog!

Wow, I can't believe I have my own blog! James has been asking me to make one as he knows how much I adore reading online!

I wanted to have a blog that chronicles my battle with Lyme Disease. I have had Lyme Disease since July 1996, but just recently found out on October 20, 2008 that this 'thing' is Lyme Disease.

I hope that you learn with me about this devestating illness as I hopefully conquer it for good this time!

My Lyme Story

Like so many Lyme sufferers, I have a story to tell. How this 'thing' called Lyme disease raped me of the life that I once knew. Turned my whole world upside down in a few short months.

For me I was 17 years old with the whole world ahead of me. I had a lot of friends, was a gymnast, cross country runner, competed in track. I led a very active life. Until Lyme ran over me like a freight train.

Soon I was having difficulty swallowing, I started getting panic attacks. My body was too exhausted to stand at times. A friend's mother died tragically during that time and I remember being at the funeral and having to sit in one of the only chairs available. There were people decades older than me whom I'm sure were wondering why this young person was taking one of the only available seats.

I had been told it was 'mono'. So I waited for it to pass. Soon, my thoughts turned dark. Of death. Constantly, I could not shake it from my head. I would speak with a classmate only to inadvertanly invision them in their casket. It frightened me to no end.

I began believing that this 'must' be a spiritual issue. I tried to go to church as often as I could. I wondered what I had 'done' that was so wrong that I was now cursed.

The last 18 weeks of high school were almost unbearable. I cried often. I missed 18 days of school, really 36 half days. I would go to school in the morning when most of my classes were and then leave before lunch. Especially at night, it felt like I couldn't get enough air into my lungs, my mom slept with me for weeks as I was sure I would not wake up. Back to the doctor I went.

This time I was told it was anxiety. I would just need to learn to overcome it. The depression got worse by the day. I felt so strange in my body. Light hurt my eyes. I didn't understand what was happening to me or how to stop it. I just wanted to be me again.

I graduated and started working a summer job in a factory. After work I would go to sleep and sometimes not wake up until it was time to work again. The fast heart rate happened before work at times and my mom would drive behind me and sit in the parking lot to make sure I would be OK.

The first year of this, I had a constant low grade fever. My friends talked me into giving blood at the blood mobile at school and I was too sick to argue. Then I was denied, I had a fever and would not be permitted. Thank the Lord I had a fever. A person with Lyme Disease should never donate blood or organs as it can infect the person receiving the donation.

The second year, my body temperature was 96. I went to another doctor four months after graduating. He tested me for Hepatitis, thyroid, and Lyme Disease. All was negative except for my thyroid which was "a little low, but not low enough to really do much" according to the Physician. I had just turned 19 years old.

The new doctor gave me a diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and some vials of clear fluid and syringes. I was to inject myself twice per day and hope for the best. I did not improve. The last time I saw him, he said I would be like this forever as he couldn't help me. I went home and cried.

A few months later, I went to another doctor, this time a Chiropractor. He used something called electrodermal testing and told me that my Pituitary, Hypothalamus and Thyroid were not functioning properly. I took some of his treatments without much success.

I then heard about and started the Hallelujah Diet. I became a vegetarian overnight and purchased a juicer and started juicing carrots. In a few months I was well enough to go away to college. I still felt 'weird', but my energy and many of my symptoms had improved tremendously!

I got straight A's the first semester and all A's and 2 B's the second.

I continued to get stronger and then a few years later, relapsed again. This time I thought I just had anxiety, because the fatigue wasn't quite as bad as before. Plus I read about anxiety symptoms online and many had difficulty swallowing, fatigue, weight loss, muscle twitches, ect. after 2 years of feeling like this, I went back to the Hallelujah diet thinking that maybe even though I wasn't 'sick this time' that it could help with the anxiety.

It did. I started working as a Registered Nurse for the first time in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. It was an AMAZING experience. I loved it! Then I became pregnant and we moved back to Ohio.

Shortly after our third child was born I began having episodes of tachycardia (racing heart). I tried to chalk it up to anxiety, problem is, it wasn't anxiety.

I just lived with it, until a year later, the most traumatic thing happened to me in my life and my health just started failing. Just days before I became traumatized, an alternative doctor whom my husband and I went to see for a physical for foster parenting told me I had Lyme Disease and Babesia.

I believed it immediately due to all of the health problems I'd had in my life. Then this horrible thing happened to me, and I just threw the diagnosis under the rug, especially since the diagnosis had been with the electrodermal testing. However, my husband did not test postive with this machine and I had not gone to him expecting him to find anything. This doctor seemed pretty surprised himself with the findings!

Finally a year later I had a blood test and saw one of the best LLMD's in the country. He told me that based on my test results, he believed I had Lyme Disease.

The twelve year battle had a name. Lyme Disease. This bacteria had somehow had the capacity to ruin my life to a tremendous extent. It disgusts me and fascinates me both.